Children Who Truly Make Their Parents Happy (1)
[Proverbs 23:15-23]
Recently, due to the sinking of the ferry Sewol in South Korea, among the students who passed away, there was a student named Jeong Cha-ung (17 years old). Jeong, a third-degree black belt in kendo who dreamed of becoming a physical education scholar, reportedly sacrificed his life to save other students during the accident. He gave his life jacket to a friend and tried to help others, just one day before his birthday. At his funeral, the highest-grade funeral garments cost over 4 million won, but Jeong's family chose a much cheaper suit priced at 416,000 won for his final journey. The reason was that his family felt they could not spend taxpayers’ money on an expensive funeral for their son. According to the funeral service manager, “Jeong’s family chose a simple funeral, and the family of one of his friends in the next room followed suit and ordered the same funeral products, honoring Jeong's family’s wishes” (Internet). When I first encountered this article, I wondered what the parents of this student must have felt. Despite the sadness and pain, I thought that these parents must have been very proud of their son.
During last Wednesday's prayer meeting, we reflected on Proverbs 23:9-14, and focusing on verses 13-14, we received the fourth lesson: "Discipline your child." We also reflected on the reasons why we should discipline our children, considering several reasons. The first reason is that we discipline our children because we love them (13:24). The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently." Another reason is to drive out the foolishness that is bound in our children's hearts (22:15), to give them wisdom (29:15), to rescue them from death (23:14), and to guide them to walk in the path of life (10:17). Additionally, we learned that another reason related to today's passage is that when we discipline our children, they will bring us joy and peace (29:17).
In Proverbs 23:15-16, the writer of Proverbs says: "My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice; if your lips speak right things, my soul will be glad." Applying this to the relationship between parents and children, it means that if our children's hearts are wise and their lips speak truth (if they speak what is right), our hearts as parents will be glad, and we will experience true joy and delight. From this, we can understand that the children who truly make their parents' hearts glad are those who have a wise heart and speak what is right. In other words, the children who truly bring joy to their parents are those who listen to the lessons of truth given by their wise parents and live according to those teachings.
The apostle John also experienced this joy. In 2 John 1:4, he says: "I rejoiced greatly that I have found some of your children walking in truth, as we received commandment from the Father." In 3 John 1:4, he says: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." Dr. Park Yoon-sun said: "The only joy of one who transmits the truth is seeing people receive that truth and live according to it" (Internet). Do we have this joy?
Today, focusing on Proverbs 23:15-23, I would like to reflect on five truths that make a child truly joyful in their parents' hearts by receiving and living according to these truths. I pray that all of us, first receiving these truths and living according to them, will set an example for our children, so that our children will also live by these truths. May this grace fill our homes.
The first truth is not to envy the prosperity of sinners in your heart and always fear God.
Please look at today's passage, Proverbs 23:17: "Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord." Personally, there are a few things I don’t really like to hear when I talk to people. I often see these two phrases used in internet chats or comments: "Thanks to you" and "I envy you." Of course, "Thanks to you" sounds better than "Because of you," but somehow when people say "Thanks to you," it feels more like a polite formality, and I don’t really like that phrase. And when someone tells me "I envy you," I often think, "Why would they envy me? There’s no need to envy..." I sometimes wonder if we would just accept the situations God has given each of us, live with gratitude, and be content, we wouldn't feel envious. Once, while in a group chat, a brother said to another: "If you envy, you lose."
In today’s passage, Proverbs 23:17, the Bible says, "Do not let your heart envy sinners." However, I think it’s very hard to follow this teaching and not envy the prosperity of sinners, especially when we are suffering. Without God's grace, I believe it is impossible to put this truth into practice. Think about it. When you are trying to live a good Christian life, following the teachings of Jesus, but only facing painful situations, while someone who doesn’t believe in Jesus is living well, eating well, and increasing in wealth, wouldn’t you feel envious? When the righteous are suffering, and the wicked continue to prosper, wouldn’t you envy the prosperity of that sinner? Personally, when I think about a righteous person suffering and seeing a sinner prosper, I remember Psalm 73, the psalm of Asaph. Asaph saw the prosperity of the wicked and became envious of the proud (Psalm 73:3).
The prosperity of the wicked, according to Asaph, is a life without suffering, living in good health, never experiencing the difficulties or sicknesses that others do (Psalm 73:4-5). They live in comfort, and their wealth only increases (Psalm 73:12). Because of this, they are proud, and their greed knows no bounds (Psalm 73:6-7). They mock others, speak evil, are arrogant, and subtly threaten others (Psalm 73:8). They even speak against God with their mouths (Psalm 73:9). And many people follow their evil example (Psalm 73:10). Meanwhile, the righteous Asaph, unlike the wicked, was suffering all day and receiving punishment every morning (Psalm 73:14). So, from Asaph’s point of view, seeing the prosperity of the wicked, it is understandable that he would envy them. He even went so far as to say, "Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence" (Psalm 73:13).
In today’s passage, Proverbs 23:17, the Bible commands us, "Do not let your heart envy sinners." But why? I found the answer in Proverbs 23:18: "There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off." Of course, this verse explains why we should always fear the Lord, but I reflected on this verse from another perspective. The reason we should not envy the prosperity of sinners is because they have no future or hope. The hopeless future of sinners, that is, the end of the wicked, was realized by Asaph when he entered God’s sanctuary (Psalm 73:17). What is their end? Let's look at Psalm 73:18-20: "Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! They are like a dream when one awakes; when you arise, Lord, you will despise them as fantasies." King David also said in Psalm 37:1-2: "Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away." This is the end of the wicked: they will be quickly cut down like grass, and their wealth will fade away. Their end is destruction, ruin, and annihilation. That is why the Bible commands us not to envy their prosperity. Instead, it says, "Always be zealous for the fear of the Lord" (Proverbs 23:17b). Why? Because those who fear the Lord always have a future and hope (Proverbs 23:18).
The word "future" here means "end" or "finality." And the end of believers refers to the afterlife (according to Park Yoon-seon). In other words, the wise Christian who always fears God has the hope of eternal life. What is this hope of the afterlife that Christians have? Psalm 73:24 says, "You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory." This is our hope: that the Lord will receive us in glory. Therefore, Proverbs 14:32 says, "The righteous have hope even in death" (Proverbs 14:32).
I hope that, with this hope of eternal life, we all live our lives always fearing God. Let us not envy the prosperity of sinners, for they have no future or hope.
The second truth is that we must listen and gain wisdom to guide our hearts in the right path.
Let’s look at Proverbs 23:19: “Hear, my son, and be wise, and guide your heart in the way.” What does it mean to guide our hearts in the right path? As an example, in the first half of verse 17, the Bible says, “Do not let your heart envy sinners.” Guiding our hearts in the right path means preventing our hearts from envying the prosperity of sinners. So, how can we guide our hearts in the right path? The first half of verse 19 teaches us that we need to “listen and gain wisdom” in order to guide our hearts in the right path. If we meditate on this verse in connection with verse 17, we can conclude that, to guide our hearts in the right path, we must always obtain the wisdom that comes from the fear of God.
However, if we are foolish, we will despise wisdom and correction (1:7). To despise wisdom and correction means that we do not fear God. And if we do not fear God, we will do evil (8:13). In that case, we will never be able to guide our hearts in the right path. And if we fail to guide our hearts in the right path, we will allow our hearts to envy the prosperity of sinners (23:17). Not only that, but if we do not guide our hearts in the right path, we will live according to the sinful instincts of our hearts and commit sin.
What are the sinful instincts of our hearts? The Bible mentions these sinful instincts in various places, but let’s read three verses:
(1) “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, and blasphemies” (Matthew 15:19).
(2) “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like...” (Galatians 5:19-21).
(3) “For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy” (2 Timothy 3:2).
One of the sinful instincts in our hearts is the love of money. In 1 Timothy 6:10, the Bible says, “For the love of money is the root of all evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” Do you know who loved money during Jesus' time? It was the Pharisees (Luke 16:14). When Jesus said, “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon,” the Pharisees, who loved money, heard this and mocked Him (Luke 16:13-14).
The lesson for us here is that even today, inside the church, someone who appears very religious (a leader) may seem to be practicing religion zealously on the outside, but if he is not guiding his heart in the right path with the wisdom of fearing God, he will be like the Pharisees. On the outside, he might look like a devout person, but inwardly, because of his love for money, he may be living in greed and committing sin.
Dear friends, we all must listen to the word of our Heavenly Father and gain wisdom to guide our hearts in the right path. To do this, the first thing we must diligently do is to listen carefully to God’s word. Let’s look at Proverbs 4:10-11: “Hear, my son, and receive my sayings, and the years of your life will be many. I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in right paths.” Our Heavenly Father is teaching us the wise and righteous (right) paths through His word. We must humbly listen to, learn, and accept that teaching. When we do so, we can obtain wisdom.
And when we obtain wisdom, we will be able to fear God and avoid evil. Furthermore, we must keep God’s word in our hearts and follow it. Let’s look at Proverbs 4:4: “He also taught me and said to me: ‘Let your heart retain my words; keep my commands, and live.’” We must not only listen to and receive the word of our Heavenly Father, but we must also keep it in our hearts and follow it. When we keep His word in our hearts, our hearts will become righteous. And from that righteous heart, as we fear God and keep His word, we will be able to walk in the right path without deviating to the left or right.
The third truth is that we should not associate with those who indulge in alcohol or those who are greedy for meat.
Let us look at the main passage for today, Proverbs 23:20: "Do not associate with those who drink too much wine or with those who gorge themselves on meat." In a sermon I preached around November 2011, titled "Do Not Associate," I referred to 1 Corinthians 5:9-13. The core message of that passage is clear: "Do not associate with anyone who is sexually immoral, greedy, idolatrous, abusive (or vulgar), drunk, or dishonest in their dealings." The Greek word for "do not associate" literally means "do not mix." In other words, the Bible teaches us not to have close or intimate relationships with people who live in these sinful ways.
However, the people Paul refers to—those who practice immorality, greed, idolatry, blasphemy, drunkenness, and dishonesty—are not necessarily unbelievers. Paul is addressing brothers and sisters within the church who continue to sin without repentance, and whose actions are negatively affecting the whole church (v. 12). Therefore, Paul says we should not only avoid close association with them, but we should break fellowship completely and even expel them from the church (v. 13). Paul is instructing us to cut off not just spiritual fellowship, but even fellowship at the table (v. 13). Why? To preserve the purity of the Lord's church.
In the passage from Proverbs 23:20, the author also tells us: "Do not associate with those who drink too much wine or with those who gorge themselves on meat." Who are we not to associate with? "Those who drink too much wine" and "those who gorge themselves on meat." Who are these people? They are those who live a life of indulgence (as noted by Park Yun-Seon). In other words, these are people who live a life of debauchery. Why does the Bible tell us not to associate with those who indulge in alcohol? One reason is found in Proverbs 20:1: "Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise." Why should we avoid associating with those who drink too much wine? Because alcohol leads to arrogance and makes people loud and foolish. Those who are deceived by wine lack wisdom, so we are instructed to avoid associating with such people.
Another reason is found in Proverbs 23:29-30: "Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who tarry long at the wine; those who go to seek mixed wine." Why should we avoid drunkenness? Because for those who become drunk, there is "woe," "sorrow," "contentions," "complaints," and "wounds without cause." Additionally, we are warned that drunkenness causes people to speak perverse words (v. 33) and become numb to their senses, leading them to do foolish things (v. 35).
Proverbs 23:21 provides another reason: "For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags." Why does the Bible tell us not to associate with drunkards? Because those who indulge in alcohol will eventually become poor. Why do drunkards become poor? Because they waste their possessions (Ephesians 5:18) and live a lazy life, enjoying sleep (Proverbs 23:21). This is why the Bible repeatedly warns us against drunkenness (Ephesians 5:18, Romans 13:13, 1 Corinthians 5:11, 6:10).
Now, who are "those who are greedy for meat"? They are those who indulge in food, in other words, gluttonous people. What is gluttony? Gluttony is the excessive and disorderly consumption of food, which dulls the mind, weakens self-control, and degrades human dignity. Ultimately, whether it is drunkenness or gluttony, excessive indulgence leads to laziness and drowsiness, which in turn leads to poverty (Walvoord).
Therefore, the Bible advises us to avoid associating with those who indulge in wine and those who gorge themselves on meat. This is in line with the message in Proverbs 23:19, where we are encouraged to listen, gain wisdom, and guide our hearts along the right path. We must avoid walking the path of indulgence and instead walk the path of righteousness.
The fourth truth is the command to listen to your father and not to despise your mother.
Let's look at today's passage, Proverbs 23:22: "Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old." Do you, as parents, feel joy and happiness when you think about your children? When do you feel joy and happiness because of your children? Don’t you feel happy and joyful when your children obey your words? How would you feel if your children disobey your words? How do you think you would feel if your children even despised you? Especially mothers, how would you feel if your children ignored your words and even despised you? In today’s passage, Proverbs 23:15-16 says that children who make their parents happy and joyful are children with wise hearts, and their lips speak righteousness (truth). These wise children listen to their parents' words (vv. 19, 22). Even if the words are of rebuke, they listen humbly (Proverbs 25:12). And they grow in wisdom, leading their hearts down the right path (Proverbs 23:19). They would never let themselves go down the path of indulgence (v. 20). Furthermore, wise children do not despise their parents simply because they are old (v. 22). However, children who despise their parents because they are aging are foolish (Proverbs 11:12). In other words, they are senseless. The reason foolish children despise their parents is because they despise the Word of God (Proverbs 13:13).
Think about this. Clearly, Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Foolish children ignore and despise this word, so they do not obey their parents. Foolish, unwise children not only despise God’s word but also despise their parents’ words, refusing to listen to them (Proverbs 23:9). This is wrong in the eyes of God. It is a sin against God (Proverbs 14:21).
As we have already meditated upon, Proverbs 17:25 says, “A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him.” Foolish children who despise God’s word and belittle their parents' words bring grief and pain to their parents. They mock their parents and do not want to obey them (Proverbs 30:17). Therefore, they abandon their parents' discipline and law (cf. Proverbs 1:8, 6:20), bringing shame and dishonor to them (Proverbs 19:26). However, wise children make their parents happy and joyful (Proverbs 10:1, 15:20). They listen to their parents’ words because they respect and honor them.
Brothers and sisters, God has commanded us to “obey your parents in the Lord and honor them” (Ephesians 6:1-2). If we listen to God’s Word, blessings will come upon us (Deuteronomy 28:2), and we will make our parents happy and joyful.
The fifth truth is the command not to buy and sell wisdom, truth, discipline, and understanding.
Let’s look at today’s passage, Proverbs 23:23: “Buy the truth and do not sell it, also wisdom and instruction and understanding.” The mindset of a typical businessman is to buy something cheap and sell it at a higher price. The reason for this is to make a profit. However, I think that the person buying something has one or two psychological motivations. One is the desire to purchase an item cheaply (to buy something at a lower price), and the other is the desire to obtain something they believe to be truly valuable, even if it requires an investment. In Proverbs 23:23, the Bible tells us to buy truth, wisdom, discipline, and understanding. Why does the Bible say this? Because the value of truth, wisdom, discipline, and understanding is so great.
Look at Proverbs 4:7: “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom, and with all your getting, get understanding.” What does this mean? It means that wisdom should be sought at any cost. Applying this verse to the passage today, the reason the Bible tells us to buy truth, wisdom, discipline, and understanding, but not to sell them, is because these things are the most important.
However, as we already know, truth is not something we can buy and sell. Truth is something we receive. And God has given this truth to us freely through Jesus Christ. Look at Isaiah 55:1: “Ho, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Yes, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.” The Bible says, “You who have no money, come… without money, without price.” What does this mean? It means that we can make truth our own, even without paying for it. In reality, because Jesus Christ paid the price for us, we have received this truth freely (Park Yun-Seon).
We must cherish this truth that we have received freely. And, as Proverbs tells us, we should value wisdom above all else. To obtain this truth and wisdom, we must do our utmost. We must pray to God in faith to understand the truth and gain more wisdom (cf. James 1:5). And we must meditate on God’s word of truth day and night. I pray that you and I may listen to that word of truth and obey it more, gaining wisdom.
In conclusion, we should be children of God who truly make our Heavenly Father happy. To do this, we must become wise children of our Heavenly Father (Proverbs 23:15-16). And wise children of God listen to and obey the five truths that God teaches. These five truths are: (1) Do not envy the prosperity of sinners but always fear God (v. 17); (2) Listen and gain wisdom to guide your heart in the right path (v. 19); (3) Do not associate with those who are addicted to alcohol or gluttony (v. 20); (4) Listen to your father and do not despise your mother (v. 22); and (5) Do not sell or exchange truth, wisdom, discipline, and understanding (v. 23). By listening to and obeying these truths, I pray that you and I will truly make God happy.