As I read and reread the article, “A Theological Vision for Discipling
the Next Generation” ...
1. "Our theological vision begins with a core conviction rooted in Deuteronomy 6: Parents are the primary disciple-makers of their children."
Do we parents truly realize that we are the ones who have the most important spiritual influence on our children whom God has given us as a gift of grace? If we parents do not realize how important our own existence is in raising our children and make excuses such as being busy making a living and pass the responsibility of raising our children on to others (pastors/evangelists in charge of Sunday school at church or people in childcare centers), what will happen to our children? Will our children continue to believe in Jesus and live a life of faith when they go to college? In any case, we parents must be careful not to neglect the very important role in raising children that God has given us (we should not take it for granted), and we must do our best to raise and train our children as disciples of Jesus with the grace and love that God gives us.
2. "A second conviction is that the calling of parents is to trust and obey."
Most parents who believe in Jesus likely have some understanding that their calling is to fully trust in God. However, in reality, we often see ourselves failing to completely trust Him when it comes to raising our children. Because we do not fully trust God, we become extremely anxious and overwhelmed with worry whenever we face a crisis involving our children. In fact, through such crises, God graciously reveals to us the extent of our own distrust in Him. It is through this exposure of the spiritual depths of our hearts that the Holy Spirit begins to help us fix our eyes solely on the Lord, depend on Him, and trust in Him. In that process, the Holy Spirit leads us parents to trust and rely on God more deeply. And from that place of trust, He enables us to extend that same trust to our children in faith. Even if our children betray the trust we've given them or repeatedly make mistakes and experience failures, we must continue to trust in God all the more. We must hold to the faith that God loves our children more than we ever could and that He loves them most of all. With this belief, we must continue to faithfully extend trust to our children in faith. In my own case, I’ve come to understand, at least to some extent, that a parent's calling is to trust. I therefore emphasize this confidently. However, I tend to neglect the importance of obedience, which has led me to fall into a state of spiritual complacency — meaning I have stopped seeking spiritual growth and instead settled for my current level of spiritual comfort and satisfaction. Setting aside my beloved wife and children, I myself have fallen into spiritual complacency. As a result, in terms of family ministry, I am neither growing spiritually as I should, nor am I actively working to develop the God-given gifts within each of my family members in faith, in order to maximize our God-given potentials. I agree with the author who says that “a parent's calling is both trust and obedience.” I also agree that there must be a balance between the two. In my case, I have lost that balance and leaned more heavily toward trust. Going forward, I hope to shift my heart more toward obedience, committing myself more diligently in that area. I pray that this effort will not only help me grow in my relationship with my spouse, but also apply to each of my children so that, together, we may all continue to grow — both as parents and as children.
3. Four foundational principles: (1) Promise: Trust God’s Covenant Commitments, (2) Providence: See All of Life as God-related, (3) Presence: Rely on God’s Nearness, (4) Progress: Embrace Growth.
When I reflect on these four foundational principles in the context of my family, I’m reminded of the crises we faced — especially the crises involving three of our four children. The reason these moments stand out is that, each time we encountered a crisis, God gave my wife and me a promise from His covenant Word. For example, when we had to make the heartbreaking decision to let our first baby, Charis, pass quickly rather than prolong her suffering, we were able to do so because that very morning I had meditated on Psalm 63:3. Through that verse, God poured His grace on me and led us to hold onto His promise. In the midst of each crisis, God allowed us — as parents — to experience His love and presence in ways that were deeper, greater, and wider than we had known before. Those very crises became opportunities to encounter God's presence, and by His grace, my wife and I were able to grow in many ways as parents through them. Because of those experiences, I now find myself — though no longer dealing with parenting conflicts since our children are all grown — once again going through tension in family life, as my wife and I now live with my autistic brother-in-law. Though we are not his parents, we are responsible for caring for him like a child, and this presents fresh challenges. Yet I firmly believe that God will again give us His promised Word in the midst of this new crisis. I believe that God, in His providence, brought my brother-in-law to live with us after the sudden passing of my mother-in-law, and that we will gradually come to experience the blessings and grace He intends through this situation. In particular, I resonate with what the author says in the fourth principle — "Progress: Embrace Growth" — where he writes: “Parenting and discipling children is hard work, and the journey can be discouraging when progress feels slow or when comparisons to other families arise. We encourage parents to focus on progress rather than unattainable standards of perfection.” In the same way, as my wife and I care for my brother-in-law, we are learning to focus on progress, not perfection.
4. "Systematic Approach to Discipleship”: "Recognizing the piecemeal nature of our early efforts, we sought to create a cohesive strategy for discipling children from birth to age 18.”
The author shares that he was greatly inspired by Dorothy Sayers’ 1948 essay “The Lost Tools of Learning” and that, in training children as disciples of Jesus, he divides the process into three stages: (1) the “Parrot” stage, (2) the “Pert” stage, and (3) the “Poet” stage. Based on these stages, he structured his ministry into four age groups: (1) Preschool (ages 0–5), (2) Elementary (ages 5–9), (3) Catechism (ages 10–12), and (4) Student ministry (ages 13–18). As I read this, I especially resonated with the idea that the "Preschool" stage (0–5 years), and particularly the ages of 0–3, is extremely important. I came to believe this after hearing a Christian parenting expert on a Focus on the Family radio broadcast in Denver, Colorado, around the time our second child, Dillon, was born (after our first baby Charis passed away). The expert emphasized that the most critical developmental years are from birth to age three, and I took that to heart. Because of this belief, my wife and I took turns personally caring for and raising Dilon, Yeri, and Karis until each of them turned three. Only after they turned three did we enroll them in a Korean church-run preschool in our neighborhood. I believe that, up through the Preschool stage (0–5 years), our children could be seen as being in the “Parrot” stage — a stage where they imitate and follow what their parents do. I consider this stage to be extremely important. The next stage I placed great importance on was up to age 11 or 12 — just before adolescence. I believed that the influence parents have before their children enter puberty is deeply significant. After that point, I felt that we, as parents, needed to change our parenting style. One method I learned from a book during that time was the concept of coaching. Much like a soccer coach gathers the players at halftime to provide coaching before they go back out for the second half, we tried to adopt this approach in raising our three children. We put in effort to shift our role from directing to coaching as they entered their teen years. Then, when each of our three children turned 18, I took them — one by one — to a local bank to open their own account and deposited some money for them. As they prepared to enter university and live independently — geographically distant from us — I strongly encouraged them to seek independence emotionally, mentally and in other areas of life and then eventually financially too.
5. “The Poet stage, Sayers observed, is ‘the ‘difficult’ age. It is self-centered; it yearns to express itself; it rather specializes in being misunderstood; it is restless and tries to achieve independence.’”
‘Teenagers are often misunderstood and anxious, but at the same time, they possess incredible creativity and passion. ... Our church helps teenagers to put down deep theological roots, grow in Christlikeness, and mature in their faith. This stage of adolescence is filled with important questions about identity, purpose, and belief. Students begin to differentiate themselves from their parents and develop their own understanding of the gospel, and we support that process with grace and intentionality. During this season, it is important to go beyond school and social circles to cultivate meaningful friendships and community. And when students face cultural and personal challenges, we help them develop a distinctively Christian worldview.’ As my wife and I raised our three children until the age of 18, we made countless mistakes, failures, and even committed sins. Yet through it all, we came to realize — even if just a little — that God loves our children far more than we ever could, and that He loves them the most. Through that faith, we have continued to support and watch them as they grow, and looking back, I believe that our children went through very little of the "Pertl Stage" (though I wouldn’t say none at all). However, the "Poet Stage" described by the author definitely existed, and in some ways, still does. The reason I believe that is because my wife and I have witnessed all three of our children striving to become more independent. I’m especially grateful for what the author said — "During this stage, it is important to go beyond school and social groups to build meaningful friendships and community." When each of our children went off to college, the Lord graciously connected them with precious people and communities. Through those relationships and communities, they came to know the Lord more deeply, grew in faith, and developed a sense of devotion, calling, and a missional mindset. As a result, I believe the Lord called our first son, Dillon, and gave him a sense of calling, leading him to attend seminary and serve as a pastoral intern at a church. Our second daughter, Yeri, served as a missionary in Japan for two years, and she is returning to the U.S. tomorrow to begin a three-year long-term ministry training program at her church, which involves 16–20 hours of training each week. Our youngest daughter, Karis, recently graduated from university and is currently looking for a job — but even in her, we see a heart for missions.
6. “Build a Culture of Discipleship”: “Discipling the next generation isn’t just about the kids; it’s about how God uses them to shape us. As we teach children to trust and obey, we’re challenged to do the same, repenting of our unbelief and leaning into God’s grace. This mutual growth creates a vibrant culture of discipleship where everyone grows together in the gospel.”
As I read and reread this section, I firmly believe that “creating a culture of discipleship” must begin in the home before it begins within the church. And in cultivating a discipleship culture within the family, I believe it is of utmost importance that the head of the household — someone like myself, as a husband and father — first be established by the Lord as a true disciple of Jesus. Once that foundation is laid, the husband must then devote himself to discipling his wife as a follower of Jesus. In that shared commitment, my wife and I — as true disciples of Jesus — must dedicate ourselves to raising our three beloved children (whom God loves and has entrusted to us for a time) to also become true disciples of Jesus. Now, beyond our three children, we also have a responsibility to disciple Jessica, Dillon’s wife (our daughter-in-law), and also Jimmy, my brother-in-law, who now lives with us. I believe it is our calling to help them grow as true disciples of Jesus as well. And in the future, when the Lord brings suitable husbands to our two beloved daughters, we will then take on the responsibility of discipling our future sons-in-law as true followers of Christ too.
- Today, after reading and rereading the article titled “A Faith Vision for Discipling the Next Generation,” I took time to reflect on myself and my family and wrote the six short reflections above. As I tried to draw my own conclusions, there were moments when, as I prayed for the “next generation,” my heart was deeply moved and tears welled up in my eyes. Perhaps these tears come from a burdened heart — knowing that the generations to come will be living in a time when the return of Jesus is drawing ever closer, and therefore, when Satan’s spiritual attacks and persecution will intensify. These tears may also be for the trials, suffering, and pain that future generations will have to endure. In light of this, a question has been pressed on my heart: What should we, as parents, do — and how should we do it — for the sake of the next generation? At the very least, I believe that my wife and I have a God-given responsibility — by His grace — to continue faithfully raising and training our children Dillon, Yeri, and Karis, as well as now Dillon’s wife Jessica and my brother-in-law Jimmy, to be workers for God's Kingdom — people with Christ-centered dreams and callings. In that same spirit, my wife and I are also praying for and committing ourselves, even in small ways, to raising up the young men and women involved in the English ministry of our church, Victory Presbyterian Church, as well as the children of the Hispanic ministry — helping them become workers with Christ-centered vision and purpose. Beyond that, we also hope to be a small but meaningful influence in the lives of our nieces and nephews — both mine and my wife's — from young children to young adults. We pray that they, too, may be raised as faithful soldiers of the cross, like Joshua and his generation who conquered the Promised Land, and like Gideon’s 300 warriors — bold and faithful followers of Jesus.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/theological-discipling-next-generation/